First job, first salary, first woes

So fellas, whats up? Its been a long while since I have posted anything new and cribbed about my wonderful life. I am in Srisailam now, having returned to my ‘roots’. And let me tell you, except for the paycheck that I hold in my hand right now, job life SUCKS….big time. No more staying up late chatting with your friends over cups of the terribly sweet tasting tea, no more ip messaging, no more Saturday night grinds and ‘tea’, no more chit passing in class, no more sleeping in class (ok, maybe I get to do that in my review meetings now), no more unobtrusively observing girls (god’s only wonderful creation), and no more hanging out………
All my friends, my parents’ friends and my parents’ friends’ friends had congratulated me on my grand return to Andhra Pradesh for my job. “Now you are returning to your native place, your parents must be so happy”, was what they had said, missing out on the minor detail that I know as little Telugu as an engineer knows about fixing a broken television. “Turn it off and on. Maybe it will start working then”, is what I would always say to any of my neighbor who came to me to with an electrical problem during the two years I spent at home after my B. Tech, pursuing my M. Tech (which only took me farther away from engineering).
Anyways, I have to face the fact the I need to learn telugu, or else I would have to find another job. It is not fun when the field staff introduces me to the villagers as “Saar has come from Delhi. Saar does not know telugu”. Goddamnit why did not I learn telugu.
I was going along just fine till yesterday when I was given the task of telling my district officers to send the latest progress reports of NREGA through email in 30 minutes flat. That meant I had to instruct four people to get the work schedule, report whether they had stuck to it, state reasons for not doing it, and send it to my email all within 30 minutes. I wished their phones would be out of coverage area. My wish was granted with the first two phone calls. I thanked God and promised not to commit any sin for the next 24 hours. But the third officer picked up.
“Yes sir, good morning”, he said. I looked at the watch; it was 530 in the evening. Anyways, atleast he can speak some English, I thought.
“Sir wants the work schedule report of last month for your district and whether it was followed. And if it was not followed, then reasons for it. Send it to me in 15 minutes on my email”, I rattled off, not sure whether he would follow.
After a long gap of 10 second, the officer replied, “Yes sir, good morning”. I hadn’t gotten through.
“Sir wants the blah blah blah”, I repeated again, though this time I spoke as one would say “I aaaaammm yoouur mummmmy” to a new born baby.
“OK”, the officer replied a little hesitatingly, “Thankyou sir, good morning”.
“Can you repeat what I said”, I asked. I didn’t want him to send me a good morning card on my email.
“Yes sir”, he replied and he shut up. The noise of traffic was the only sound coming from his end of the phone.
I looked at the watch and already 10 minutes had passed trying to make him understand. “Are you in the field right now?”, I asked him, hoping that he was and this would be the excuse I would give to my boss for not getting the reports. The first task he had given to me was going down the drain in front of my non-telugu speaking face.
“Yes sir, CAMPPPP!!!”, he shouted excitingly having understood the first words since I had called him up.
“Ok, then. Send the report to me as soon as you reach office”, I said with a little relief.
“Yes sir, thankyou sir, Good morning sir”, he said with relief realizing that this conversation from hell was about to over.
I did not even dare call up the fourth officer. All I reported was that the phones were out of coverage area and I would get the reports the next day.
The first sentence I learnt to speak in telugu was “Naaku telugu ostundi”, and I was proud of myself thinking that I finally know how to say the “I know telugu”, until my friend pointed out that the above line means “Mujhe telugu aa rahi hai”. The only line I knew in telugu and it sounded like “mujhe susu aa rahi hai”. Shit, I hate this language…………………
PS: Will be posting pics of my “bungalow” pretty soon