Musings of another PM

well.....i am having a writers' block.......nothing exciting is happening at my end except that i have recently purchased an ironing press and my clothes do not seem as wrinkled now as they looked earlier.....if I had been skinny, people might have even mistaken me for a chenchu tribal person....

This article has been written by my former neighbor in IRMA and current Project Manager of ITDA Eturnagaram, Kamal. He is the unfortunate reason I landed up in this job....

Tribal experience + ves and –ves of my Job…..!!!

Well, the inspiration to write about nature of my job came from a friend of mine whom I was telling about the nature of my job……

…I am presently in Bhadrachalam (AP) nursery, would stay here tonight…I have to see the quality of the plants.

“But you are neither agri nor horticulture graduate, how could u judge a plant’s quality”

but I am in gvt organisation and mind you I have a horticulture officer, who is supposed to come here to see the quality. I told her. Though it was 8 pm and he was on the way…I don’t know how my horticulture officer gained this expertise to check plant’s quality in the acute darkness.

She asked –“which plant”…

“Mango”. But“why only mangoes?” Because… these plants only can survive here…..ok…so “what is your work exactly?”

I said- Presently my job is to ensure that pitting for mango plants is done soon (this soon word has saved us in many horticulture plantation review meetings)…

Well, how much profit do you earn?

…And this was the question that penetrated my subconscious mind and I began to reflect upon the nature of my job and thought of writing this nonsense stuff.

I thought sudhir’s blog would be the right platform to express this nonsense and thankfully sudhir added this to his blog where there is a collection of nonsensical things.

..this might be of some interest for those inquisitive minds who want to know how we are living and how we are alive…or those who need some thought provocative stuff to rationalize their irrational choice( ask Sudhir).

My day usually starts at 8 am with a bang on my door and a few unknown telagu words…It’s the attender, who has come with tea. Despite my attempts (in Hindi) to tell him that he disturbs or rather annoys me, the same intensity continues while banging the door.

I have stopped taking south Indian breakfast here.(Even in IRMA I used to wake up late on Sundays) …I switch on TV and enjoy the tea… I feel lucky that monkeys haven’t pulled the wire the previous night as was done in the world cup football final match.

Before we move, one or two lines about my place- It is 110 km far from Warangal district, the place is Eturnagaram… don’t entangle yourself in pronunciation. I,too felt the same awkwardness in pronouncing the name first. Many a times the word “Garam” is enunciated and my creative visualization turns these thoughts into images…however, I don’t feel disheartened as Francis always stands by me. (His place is Rampa-choda-varam….and now he says RCwaram…what a creative style to hide an apparently …… name)

A single room has been given by my organisation (“Integrated tribal development agency”), a part of AP gvt tribal welfare department) which resembles like IRMA-ETDC room.

Well,having seen some promos of recently released movies in TV, and after pouring 3, 4 buckets of water on my body, I get ready for my office. The clock hits 11 but unlike many friends of mine, I am nonchalant. My office is as near to my room as was the distance between f block from Irma mess.

“Sahib aa gaye”…..”Good morning saar”….these words greet me. People give me the way. It seems they are not aware about my contract period, sometimes I think they consider me AP group 1 service employee…anyways, many sectoral officers prefer to come to office by car, as it is the common feeling if one comes by car, it elevates one’s status. However, the proximity of my room to my office renders car useless.

My cabin looks like a micro corporate room. A note book has been given to me by my office (money has not been reimbursed so far).

This lappy is smart enough to catchWi-Fi and I start reading e-newspapers in my office. Unlike other offices when most of us (tribal people) are in office, there is no work…I remind my office attendant about my pending salary or vehicle allowance. As usual he promises to solve it repu( tomorrow)….Those days when I don’t go office, usually four to five days in a week are such. I go for field visit….when and where, is decided by me….I take my vehicle and driver (gvt has given 2 vehicles.One jeep for rural type roads and other, Indica for pukka roads) and set in for my short journey.

I see myself in the front mirror of car and think, what a great respect this job has given me. If only I had been some more fleshy, it would have suited my personality (like shashikant)

But in my last visit to Hyderabad, I have discovered the way to become like Shashikant ...Now I don’t claim that I am a teetotaller… Shashikant has never admired me as much as he admired me when I sipped beer for the first time in “Hard rock café” last month.

But trying some beer here in Eturnagaram, is a risky proposition…think of a situation when people see that at 11 pm, one PM (program manager) is stealthily going to get some beer, it would run like a wild fire in my office... I don’t know how sudhir has managed his PR in Srisailam.

Distraction…so while moving in the car, it’s a great experience to zoom past forests ….99% of the journey time goes in listening to songs or eating sweet corns/drinking tea from stalls on the way.

Coming to my actual work, we have been given 2,3 responsibilities apart from NREGS work (20%) I see roadworks (30%) and horticulture works (50%). Later, two programs are in convergence with NREGs. I inspect the road with a team of technical persons to verify quality and talk to the contractors to speed up the execution of road works while maintaining quality. So as of now, I have been regarded as a positive catalyst to speed up the process and reach the target.

Having reached the habitations, I conduct a meeting with the village people and our discussion usually roams round the questions-why are you late in completing pitting or have you got the wages for this work? Did our officer visit the area? Show me the plantation site/road work, I want to see whether quality work has been done?

For me, usually 150, 200 km journey has become a common thing( it takes around 2 hrs. to reach to one side)…..

Unlike pure gvt deptts (10am-5 pm), generally all staff members remain in the office till 7pm. MY PO( the big boss of my organisation) remains till 8 or 8.30 in the night. I too don’t feel like going home early….there are people in the office….while in my room I am the only one person.

After coming backagain I thank the monkeys for not creating “khalal” in my entertainment…by then dinner is ready… an attender comes with tiffin, the food is being prepared in my POs kitchen…I watch a movie on HBO/ star movies and sleep with zero tension…we r the monopoly in the market no fear of targets. Amul people (esp. Goel ) might feel a bit jealous.

Two, three lizards that routinely come to catch some flies, also go for sleep as soon as I switch off the light at 1 Am.

2 reasons why one should not opt for the job like me..If you have insect phobia- lizards, mosquito, ants, frogs..( Neha left because of this ) and second if you haven’t lived alone…(Bhardwaj left )

We create much hoopla in Facebook…about salary. It’s true!!.we get salary after 15,20 days delay.

I am the only person here in Eturnagaram or rather in this entire Warangal district who knows no telagu, staying away from home, doesn’t like rice and is a vegetarian… everything is true.

But it is equally true that we are doing a great job in development administration…after all which organisation pays you 42 k for spending money on people?

Confucius says:- “choose a job you love so that you will never have to work a day in your life”… …I love this job, I never work a day for it interests me but…it’s also true that I amcounting my days..

Before I sign off, some more news from tribal people-

1. Shashikantpail has found a hope to continue in tribal deptt .He is falling in love with someone.

2. Sudhir’s parents are impressed by his achievements .They had lost hopes when even after M.tech, he couldn’t get a decent job.Sudhir is waiting for 5^th may 2013( 3 yrs in tribal and ticket to World bank).

3. Ghattu is prodigy in his family. His parents are happy that in this tender age, he earns more than 40k…he is soon to attain marriageable age for boys.

Thanks IRMA!!!!!

Yours

Kamal Kishor Pandey

Saas-bahu ka live episode

There are many memorable incidents one gets to see during field visits, and government meetings. Last week, I toured 350 km in one day visiting 14 villages. And let me tell you, in the morning, after breakfast, your heart might still beat for rural India and the poor beneficiaries. You might listen to them complain endlessly about the government not providing this and not providing that, but by the end of the day when your legs are tired from all the walking and your back hurts from sitting in a vehicle the entire day, you do not feel like listening to any more BS. And that’s what happens with me. By the time I reached the last village, I had stopped listening to all the begging and complaining. My mind started going off to my nice place. And that’s when it happened…..

An old woman was bitching about all the promises made by the government and still not delivering them, when, I guess her bahu, stepped in and took over the conversation. The old woman was aghast by at being cut off by her bahu like this. So she stepped behind her, and with her stick made mocking gestures as if she was going to hit her on the head. The bahu took no notice of this and continued her rambling, but the other villagers were enjoying this saas-bahu episode unfolding in front of them. The saas, encouraged by the attention she was getting, swung her stick back and this time with unimaginable speed swung it towards her bahu’s butt. But at the last moment she could not hold it back and the stick hit its mark with the magnificent force. The bahu was speechless and so were the saas and others. It looked as if the saas would have a stroke at that moment. Although, some of the villagers stood speechless, some others, having the sensitivity of a log of wood, burst out laughing. I could not laugh out loud because I am the Project Manager, but my drowsiness had completely vanished. I love these field visits…

Oh, and in the governing body meeting last week, an MLA advised a forest official that if the Forest Deptt has permission to build roads of only 2.5 km, and if a 10 km road is needed, then why doesn’t the Deptt build 4 such roads.

I love such moments (however chhote chhote they may be)…………but I hate my life……

Madam is coming.....

Tuesday came and tuesday went. All that was left with me was this stinging neck ache caused due to sleeping on the couch in the field office the previous night. "Madam is coming!! Madam is coming", was all I got to hear the entire last week. And it wasnt the good kind of coming.... It meant that she was going to come to our field office in Mannanur, District Mahbubnagar, Andhra Pradesh.

So, as expected, everyone was excited, right from the wage seeker to the press to the Project Officer. And because she was coming for a special review of NREGS, that meant that the burden of welcoming her and making arrangements for her visit would invariably land on my shoulders.

After reaching the field office, I made my way to the school meeting hall where the meeting would be conducted the next day. The hall was actually the dormitory of thirty 5th standard students who were made to sleep outside in the night because "Madam was coming...".

As for me, my accomodation for the night was the field office with a couch that killed my back during the night and a toilet worse than the ones in our prisons.

I was also told to arrange a chhota PA system. What turned out the next day morning were these humongous speakers which could blow apart the entire school building if set at the proper volume. The VIP meals for 'Madam', Project officer, and other important people (like myself) were worse than the meals arranged by the school cooks for the regular staff who seemed more content than the important people after lunch.

Finally, news came that THE Madam is not coming, some other Madam is coming. And everybody heaved a sigh of relief (some am sure, broke some pent up wind too). The meeting went off as usual with the people from Hyderabad accusing the field staff of working irresponsibly, while the field staff complaining to me that the people in Hyderabad do not perform their functions at time. Caught in the middle was me, the lonely Project Manager (who had not signed up for all this crap) only thinking about the night when I would get to sleep on my loving bed in Sundipenta..........

"Freshen up, saaar?"

I love going for field visits. It gives me a feeling of satisfaction, of having done something with my day and not just frittered it away in front of the computer searching for movie news and online friends to pester. I especially love the journey part. I now have a Tata Sumo to travel in and though the seat is a little bit acute angled towards the front, I still like to travel in it. While going from one place to another, you are not actually doing anything, but you are still working. I love that aspect of field visits. It feels like I am on a mission, about to do some work at the end of the journey, but all I am doing is sitting on my ass and watching the Nalamala forests go by. And after every 50 km, I instruct my driver to pull over for tea and a smoke. I try to lengthen the car journey as much as I can.

Though it feels a little saddening when the journey ends, I like the attention I get when I reach my field offices. "Saar", "Namaste", and other wishes can be heard. But there are a few things that get on my nerve now and then.

The first is the freshening up process. Anywhere I go, the staff will start pointing to the toilet and ask "Freshen up, saaar?". First few times I thought they meant to ask whether I wanted to wash my face, so I would start walking towards the washbasin. The staff would suddenly have this strange look on their face when they would see me walk towards the basin and not towards the toilet. After a few hit and trials, I understood that by freshening up they actually were asking whether I wanted to use the toilet. Dudes, I am 26 yrs old, if I wanted to pee, I would. I wouldnt need to ask you where one goes to freshen up. I know, washbasin is for washing face and toilet is for peeing. I know its not the other way round.

The second thing that irritates me is the press. They invariably turn up before me at the field office, and they have standard questions to which I now have started having a disliking for. "How many districts NREGA is being provided under?", "What is saar's name?", "Saaar ku telugu raadu?", blah blah blah, I do not know telugu, so I cant answer them, hence after the first few seconds I wander off to my nice place.

Another thing which I do not understand is why do people take it as a matter of pride to make their guests eat till they are bursting out of their pants and jockeys. Ok, I am a bit stocky, I admit it. That does not mean, I eat like a pig. And god, so much rice. I had not idea that India grows so much of it, before I came here.

But anyways, I love going to these field visits. Its nice to be with the field staff because they treat me like I know the solution to their every problem, which of course I do ;) I had to cut short my last visit though. My driver's child was suffering from high fever since last five days, and though he did not tell me, I could see that he badly wanted to come back home. And actually, I was missing my TV too......

So, I am back here in Sundipenta today and on friday will go for field visit again, and this time I will "freshen up". Maybe it will bring a smile on the faces of my field staff thinking that PM saaar "freshened up" here today...........

Alllaaalllaa, kooochhy koo

I hate travelling in state transport buses, and I hate it when my neighbor is a middle aged guy who cannot control his one year kid (and his own rear wind pipe). I hate it. Maybe I can tolerate it a bit if the kid is quiet throughout the journey and doesn't interfere with my train of thoughts, but no such luck ever comes my way. This weekend I had to sit for four hours alongside such a guy and his one year old attention seeking kid. If only I had taken the window seat, I could have pretended to be looking out the window and be lost in my thoughts. But there I was, sitting in the aisle seat and the kid pops into my view the second I turned my head to look through the window at the milestone indicating that Hyderabad (my paradise) was still 120 kms away. Our eyes locked and the kid smiled (ok, I admit he was cute), so I smiled back. Next thing I knew he was reaching out to me and the dad thought he could have a few minutes of peace himself if he transferred his burden to me.

I do not know what to do with kids. I actually don't like them. The only thing I could think of was poke him a little bit here and there and make those annoying baby sounds. "Ullluulluu, aallllaaallaa, koochhy koo", I tried to impress the kid by saying this. Next thing I knew, the dad was taking him back from me. I think he realized that the world was still not a safe place for small children post Michael Jackson. Poor MJ, he tried to heal the world, and instead made everyone a pedophile suspect.

Though a bit embarrassed, I was happy. I looked out the window again at the milestone indicating that though paradise was still 80 km away, it was nearer now.

Monday blues

Monday blues never hit me so hard before........well, I never had a job before, and although I would feel a little blue during college, but I would be in a happy state due to the previous night's "tea" sessions.....

But this monday is different because I came back from Hyderabad just this morning, and I will not mince words, it feels like crap coming back here. My one friend here is out of town (damn, I think I just gave respect to Sundipenta by calling it a town) and I will not be getting a chance to meet the ones I left behind in Hyderabad. Oh Hyderabad.......it is such a magical place!! You have streetlights, cars, buses, motorcyles, autos, chicks, multistoreyed buildings, pubs, restaurants, movie halls, and what not. But I shouldnt complain right, I am in Sundipenta, I have fresh air, scenic beauty, no traffic, 24 hours electricity, cool and calm ambience. Let me tell you, all the above sound real nice when you are coming here for a two day vacation, escaping from the things you take for granted in your cities and towns. So the next time anybody tells me that Sundipenta (or Srisailam) is a very nice place, remember that the smile and the nod I am giving them is only understating the immense happiness and pride I have in knowing the fact the I have to live here for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

First job, first salary, first woes

So fellas, whats up? Its been a long while since I have posted anything new and cribbed about my wonderful life. I am in Srisailam now, having returned to my ‘roots’. And let me tell you, except for the paycheck that I hold in my hand right now, job life SUCKS….big time. No more staying up late chatting with your friends over cups of the terribly sweet tasting tea, no more ip messaging, no more Saturday night grinds and ‘tea’, no more chit passing in class, no more sleeping in class (ok, maybe I get to do that in my review meetings now), no more unobtrusively observing girls (god’s only wonderful creation), and no more hanging out………
All my friends, my parents’ friends and my parents’ friends’ friends had congratulated me on my grand return to Andhra Pradesh for my job. “Now you are returning to your native place, your parents must be so happy”, was what they had said, missing out on the minor detail that I know as little Telugu as an engineer knows about fixing a broken television. “Turn it off and on. Maybe it will start working then”, is what I would always say to any of my neighbor who came to me to with an electrical problem during the two years I spent at home after my B. Tech, pursuing my M. Tech (which only took me farther away from engineering).
Anyways, I have to face the fact the I need to learn telugu, or else I would have to find another job. It is not fun when the field staff introduces me to the villagers as “Saar has come from Delhi. Saar does not know telugu”. Goddamnit why did not I learn telugu.
I was going along just fine till yesterday when I was given the task of telling my district officers to send the latest progress reports of NREGA through email in 30 minutes flat. That meant I had to instruct four people to get the work schedule, report whether they had stuck to it, state reasons for not doing it, and send it to my email all within 30 minutes. I wished their phones would be out of coverage area. My wish was granted with the first two phone calls. I thanked God and promised not to commit any sin for the next 24 hours. But the third officer picked up.
“Yes sir, good morning”, he said. I looked at the watch; it was 530 in the evening. Anyways, atleast he can speak some English, I thought.
“Sir wants the work schedule report of last month for your district and whether it was followed. And if it was not followed, then reasons for it. Send it to me in 15 minutes on my email”, I rattled off, not sure whether he would follow.
After a long gap of 10 second, the officer replied, “Yes sir, good morning”. I hadn’t gotten through.
“Sir wants the blah blah blah”, I repeated again, though this time I spoke as one would say “I aaaaammm yoouur mummmmy” to a new born baby.
“OK”, the officer replied a little hesitatingly, “Thankyou sir, good morning”.
“Can you repeat what I said”, I asked. I didn’t want him to send me a good morning card on my email.
“Yes sir”, he replied and he shut up. The noise of traffic was the only sound coming from his end of the phone.
I looked at the watch and already 10 minutes had passed trying to make him understand. “Are you in the field right now?”, I asked him, hoping that he was and this would be the excuse I would give to my boss for not getting the reports. The first task he had given to me was going down the drain in front of my non-telugu speaking face.
“Yes sir, CAMPPPP!!!”, he shouted excitingly having understood the first words since I had called him up.
“Ok, then. Send the report to me as soon as you reach office”, I said with a little relief.
“Yes sir, thankyou sir, Good morning sir”, he said with relief realizing that this conversation from hell was about to over.
I did not even dare call up the fourth officer. All I reported was that the phones were out of coverage area and I would get the reports the next day.
The first sentence I learnt to speak in telugu was “Naaku telugu ostundi”, and I was proud of myself thinking that I finally know how to say the “I know telugu”, until my friend pointed out that the above line means “Mujhe telugu aa rahi hai”. The only line I knew in telugu and it sounded like “mujhe susu aa rahi hai”. Shit, I hate this language…………………
PS: Will be posting pics of my “bungalow” pretty soon